Manliness, strength and the new androgyny
Recently, someone wrote this to me:
“All I know for sure is that [my partner] depends on me in certain key ways (as I depend on her in others) and that this strength she relies on in me represents my manliness and a crucial part of my identity. Those who dispute the existence of this dependence are questioning my very role and identity in my family and in life – almost the whole point of my existence, you could say – and hers as well - and this is why I too am likely to get a bit het up in such debates when feminists and snags argue that there is no differences between men and women.”
Do most women look for strong males? Probably. But I wonder how many men look for strong women. I know I looked for (and found) a strong woman. As Cat Stevens pined, I like a hard-headed woman.
Do men usually see their own strength as a critical aspect of their masculinity? Probably too. I must be a real softie, because I don’t think I do particularly.
And when we say ’strength’ what do we mean? Physical strength. That does tend to be a masculine trait. Emotional strength? Verbal strength? Holding-the-family-together strength? Are men usually stronger, or women? I guess it comes down to semantics.
I love the idea of shared strength, and also making a balance between ’strengths’ so that you can rely on your partner for some things, and they on you for others. You can’t be good at everything, can you?
This friend of mine argues that we’ve created a kind of ‘New Androgyny‘ these days, where we teach kids that there’s no difference between the genders. He reckons this thinking is espoused by sensitive new age types, feminists and the school and uni system, and he thinks it’s dangerous and wrong.
I’m not so sure. I reckon society in general still promotes the differences rather than covers it up, and I imagine feminist philosophy would argue a strong difference exists. But I do wonder if young men and women get more confused these days, wondering what they should be and how they should act… since our roles are so much more confused and convoluted than what they would have been thousands of years ago (or even 50 years).
And I guess there is a kind of new androgyny in parenting at least. Men (like me!) are keen to be seen as ‘able’ parents and some seem to care less about careers and more about family time, while (some) women may be more keen to show they’re ‘career women’ and less concerned about mothering etc.
on 27 Nov 2009 at 8:50 pm 1.Toby said …
I’m not so sure the article is exclusive of feminine power, it feels as though the author is suggesting both parties have power…(”as I depend on her in others”). I don’t this it’s too onerous on the male, but recognises the strengths both men and women play out. I really don’t feel that it loads the male as a sole decision-maker.
Perhaps if we see the influence we have over and from, our partners – as a rubber band – rather than a one way pull or push, we would have a clearer view of our roles?